Fear and Ego… (My Thoughts and Musings).
Are you letting Fear hold you back?
Is your ego running the show?
I have been thinking and journaling quite a bit about fear and the ego lately. It’s something that I have allowed to control my life for many years.. If I break my life up into chunks I can certainly see a pattern and where I have allowed my ego to run the show…
Something in recent years I have been wanting to create but have continued to allow fear to scare me is I have wanted to film yoga videos. I have kept having the desire to create and bring to life this project but have continued to let my ego hold me back..
- Fear of what others might think (other yoga teachers in particular).
- Fear of what I will think of myself.
- Fear that it won’t be good enough.
- Fear that I will do it wrong.
- Fear that I will do a bad job.
- Fear of judgment and criticism.
My ego has been totally running the show… she has been holding me back and deliberately trying to keep me “small”.. Last week I completely stepped outside my comfort zone and started to film this new project that has been calling me for some time now.. Ever since I started teaching yoga I have had my students asking me for yoga videos so they can also practice yoga at home… I kept making excuses like “I wasn’t a good enough teacher to film videos” I have also been so fearful putting myself out the for others to judge and criticise me as a teacher, a student, as a person and as a woman…
This voice inside kept saying “you need to loose weight first so you can look like a really fit and toned yoga teacher like all the other yoga teachers on Instagram… You need to wait for your skin to clear up so you look flawless.. You need to wait till you’ve done more teacher training… You need to wait till you find the perfect person to work with”… and the list goes on and on and on…
I want to share this with you because I want you to try and give you an understanding of the “ego”… she is very tricky and she tries to hold you back… and even after doing continuous work on myself for over 12 years (yoga, energy healing, holistic health etc etc) my ego still shows up constantly!
**Spoiler alert** You will always have an ego..those nasty voices in your head… and your ego will always be there to test you! (Unless you are completely “enlightened” which I can assure you I am not there yet! It’s all part of the journey my beautiful friend…) It’s just about learning how to stop buying into her nasty stories and words… it’s about leaning to turn down the volume on her… I use things like positive affirmations and mantras to combat her nasty words… I have learnt how to not buy into the stories and come back to love… and believe me it takes work… and I am not perfect… I need to practice self love and self care daily so I don’t allow my ego to take over and run the show…
In the lead up to filming the videos… things didn’t go according to plan and my ego kept trying to test me and make me fall back into the fearful trap and cancel the day of filming/the whole creative project… I wasn’t feeling great about myself.. I was feeling tried, exhausted and a little overweight… my home yoga practice has been terrible… I sprained my shoulder a couple of weeks ago (and still healing)… I ran out of my make up and the new make up I ordered didn’t arrive in time… I couldn’t find new pants/an new outfit that I wanted to wear that made me feel amazing… my skin broke out (probably because of stress & hormones)… I was feeling bloated… it was raining on the day and my extremely curly hair went frizzy (girls with curls will understand!) and the triggers and fearful thoughts kept coming and coming… All of these things may sound like “first world problems” and they are but these are the kind of triggers your ego will use to try an get you to live from fear and hold you back… so we need to use our self love and self care tools to try and combat her nasty ways…
Fear and Ego try desperately to keep us in our comfort zone but when we make the decision to bravely step outside our comfort zone this is where the real magic happens… we are more open to learn about ourself, we welcome new experiences and doors start to open.
I would love to now invite you to do a little exercise… I’d love you to start to think, ponder and journal about what fearful thoughts you are currently having and what are you allowing the ego to hold you back from?
Here are some thoughts to get you started:
- What is your fear/ego holding you back from?
- Starting a new job/career?
- A new partner? (Starting or ending a relationship).
- Healing yourself?
- Your health?
- Self love/self acceptance?
Please remember everyone is different and we all have different triggers but let me tell you beautiful woman it is so powerful to know your personal triggers so you can then find and create ways (and tools) to break pattens or bring awareness to when the patterns are playing out and to then take control and no longer feel trapped by your fear and ego…
As always thank you for being here and sharing this journey with me. It is an honour to share these thoughts with you…
Much love Aimee X
P.S Here is a little sneak peek at my new video series coming soon! “The Breathe Dream Create Love: Home Yoga Practice.”